


She’ll Be Home Soon

by Motherland_Flower



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, F/F, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Good, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Motherland_Flower/pseuds/Motherland_Flower
Summary: Yeh Shuhua is in complete denial. She had blocked out everything for days, weeks, months even, and nobody can seem to break through to her.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	She’ll Be Home Soon

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic being posted and I’m extremely sorry that it’s not at all good. I tried and I don’t think it’s any good, but hey, here it is.
> 
> Tw/// implied/reference suicide

“Where are you going?” Yuqi groaned out, her eyes squinted at the sudden light invading her dorm room. She had propped herself up on her elbow, her other arm curling the bed sheets around her. 

“Home.” Shuhua whispered back. “I don’t want to leave Soojin wondering where I am.” 

With those words the brunette sat up fully in bed. Her left fist rubbed at her eyes roughly. her tongue ran against her bottom lip. Her voice was filled with sleep. “Stay here. I already told her you’d spend the night.”

“Oh,” Shuhua stood still, no longer searching for the hoodie she discarded the previous evening. “Well, I don’t want her getting any wrong ideas.”

“She won’t. Now come back to bed.” Yuqi pulled back the white comforter for Shuhua to get inside. “It’s late, she's probably asleep already.”

“Well Soyeon might be upset if she finds out I stole her girlfriend for another night. If Soojin doesn’t think anything, Soyeon might and-“

“Shuhua.” The dark haired girl rarely heard Yuqi use her stern voice, in fact she can’t recall the last time she’s ever heard it. There was one moment, but she couldn’t seem to remember it. It simply was a distant memory too clouded and fuzzy to bring forth. 

With a small nod and a flick of the light switch, Shuhua climbed back into the bed, facing the older girl. Her right cheek was flushed, probably from being pressed against the bed in her sleep. Her natural hair had fallen in front of her eyes.

“Your hair looks pretty with this color, unnie.”

The room was silent, so silent that Shuhua would’ve sworn the Chinese had fallen back asleep if she weren’t staring right at her. 

A delicate hand rested on Shuhua’s cheek, her thumb softly grazing. “I’m sorry, Shuhua. You don’t deserve this.”

“Deserve what?”

“You’re a beautiful young woman now, strong too, but you’re still the young girl I met when we were trainees.” Yuqi’s voice wavered. “You were so afraid back then. And look at you now. You’ve grown, but I’m so afraid of this tearing you down. You don’t deserve this.”

“Unnie, you’re worrying me.” Shuhua chuckled. “Is someone dying?”

“Promise me you won’t remember.” She whispered. “I know how selfish that is, but I don’t want you to remember. Promise me you’ll forget.”

Shuhua’s hand lightly clung onto the other’s top. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Good.” 

Yuqi’s face buried itself in Shuhua’s shoulder, arms embracing the girl in a rough hug. Although she couldn’t see the girl’s face, Shuhua felt as though the older girl was on the brink of tears. She felt if she had rejected the embrace, then Yuqi would surely spiral out of control. So she did the best she could. It wasn’t much, hands running delicately through light brown hair, but what else could she do?

In the morning, Soyeon had ventured into her girlfriend’s dorm room and was met with the sight of a frowning Shuhua completely engulfed with Yuqi’s sleeping form. 

“She’s so warm all the time.” The youngest groaned.

“Ya.” Soyeon sheepishly smiled. “A cuddler too.”

“Tell me about it.” 

Shuhua could feel the love practically pouring out of the leader, a stuffy kind of love, one that mimicked the feeling of honey. Sticky, warm, and tooth rottingly sweet. “I was just leaving.”

“Wait.” The blonde called out to her once she pried Yuqi’s hands away from her waist and was about to stand. “She’ll be upset if you’re gone.”

“No she won’t.” Shuhua grinned. “Besides, if you take my spot then she definitely won’t be complaining.”

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my dorm. Soojin probably missed me.” Soyeon caught a dopey smile spreading across the maknae’s face at the mention of the dancer. “Can’t keep my love waiting.”

Soyeon froze. She had been standing against the doorframe the entire conversation, but now she stiffened up. Light footsteps made their way further into the room. “Shuhua-“

“Yah!” The once sleeping figure practically yelled. “You two are always so noisy.”

Shuhua didn’t miss the slight sigh of the Korean nor did she miss the slump in her shoulders. “I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes, Yuqi-ah.”

She searched around the room for her hoodie, the same one she had looked for a couple hours earlier. “Besides, one day, when we’re gone, you’ll miss our loudness.”

“Don’t say that.” Yuqi deadpanned, her voice lowering into a threatening manner. “Don’t ever say that.”

The maknae only giggled, flung her newly found hoodie over her shoulder, and made her way to the door. “It’s true.”

“Don’t forget we have rehearsals today.” Soyeon finally spoke up. “If you’re feeling well.”

“Of course I am.” She gave a sweet smile. “We’ll be there.” 

Once Shuhua had left the room, closing the door with a soft click, she noticed a heavy sigh coming from within. Their voices were hushed, but the Taiwanese could point out the brewing of a fight from anywhere. She just hoped it wouldn’t affect practice.

She was right, the couple seemed to make up by the time rehearsal came around because Yuqi clung tightly onto the girlfriend’s arm. Shuhua noticed the dark circles underneath the Korean’s eyes, she noticed the grumpy sighs escaping past her lips, but she failed to see the devastated glances she shared with Yuqi. Or the other girls for that matter. 

Shuhua has arrived first, eager to prepare for their long awaited comeback. Minnie arrived later, hand in hand with the eldest of the group. Soyeon and Yuqi arrived last.

“Has anyone seen Soojin?” 

“Shuhua, she’s-“ Miyeon started from her position clung onto Minnie.

“She’s taking a break. We just talked about it.” Soyeon interrupted. “We cleared everything up.”

Yuqi let out a sigh of relief and Shuhua noticed her give Soyeon a small nod through the studio mirrors. 

“Well then,” The Taiwanese clapped, “we have a comeback to prepare for!”

The rehearsal was awful, in Shuhua’s opinion of course. She danced around the room, focused completely on nailing every single move with precision. The girls around her however, seemed to drag behind. Their movements were sluggish, their bodies moving in a half assed attempt to replicate the choreography. 

“I think that’s enough for today.” The leader’s voice called out when she noticed her members lame dancing after almost a continuous hour, specifically Miyeon’s. “We should pack up and get some rest.”

“You guys should come to our dorm.” Shuhua spoke up, still exploding with energy. “I could ask Soojin unnie to cook for us.” 

Before Minnie could react, Miyeon snapped around to look at the maknae. “Will you stop saying that?”

Hostility radiated off of the eldest member, hands clenching closed with a force that could break even the strongest of metals. Her knuckles turned white and Shuhua winched at the thought of the girl’s nails digging into her palms.

“Miyeon-“ Minnie lunged for the smaller girl’s wrist before she could move closer. 

Miyeon only pulled her wrist out of her girlfriend’s hand. “No! I’m tired of this Shuhua. I’m tired of you pretending like nothing happened!”

The victim stumbled back at the venom spewing out of the girl’s mouth. Yuqi stood in front of her, arms extended out as if she were some bodyguard shielding her from a potential threat.

“Miyeon, stop it.”

“She gets to prance around the studio, the apartment, everywhere, like nothing ever happened! We do this every goddamn day. Every month!” Miyeon directed her anger towards Yuqi before returning it to the Taiwanese. “She’s dead, Shuhua!”

“What?” Her voice cracked. 

“She’s dead! Gone!” Miyeon lunged for the two girls in front of her, seething with frustration. “She’s dead because of you!”

Minnie caught the shorter girl in her arms, an embrace that was absolutely bone crushing. That still didn’t stop her though. Miyeon flailed and thrashed inside her grasp while screaming. Minnie could barely hold her back. 

“That’s enough!” Soyeon spoke up. She was always the peacemaker, ready to step into any confrontation with one goal in mind, resolving the issue right that instant. 

“She did this! It’s all her damn fault!”

She couldn’t handle it anymore. Miyeon was kicking against Minnie’s struggling body, Shuhua was wide eyed glancing back and forth between Yuqi and the girl exploding to her right.

She couldn’t handle it.

Not when it was the one year anniversary of Soojin’s suicide.

So she ran, ran out of the studio with a slam of the door. 

“Yuqi?” Shuhua was breathless. “Yuqi, she-“

“I’m here.” The chinese member held the girl’s wrists in her own hands. “You remember.”

“I did this.”

Miyeon had stopped flailing, her tunnel vision on attacking the maknae long abandoned. Instead she pounded against her girlfriend’s chest with her small fists. 

Minnie didn’t talk much those days. Instead, her emotions poured out while alone late at night, her bloodied knuckles and the dented studio walls being the only trace of what she was going through. She didn’t dare cry in front of Miyeon. That would only make things worse. All she could do was hold the girl against her chest.

“You didn’t do this, Shuhua.”

Panic continued racing through the young girl. “I made her do this.”

A memory flashed through Shuhua’s mind.

“I wish Soojin were here with us.” Shuhua spoke into her microphone. 

The four group members turned towards the maknae with looks of disbelief on their faces. 

“I’m sorry?” The interviewer questioned.

“I’m not sure why she couldn’t be here. I might just call her once this is over.”

“Shuhua, you-“ The host spoke once again. “Do you miss her?”

“Of course I miss her. I always miss her, but it’s not like i’ll never see her again.” Fingernails dug into the flesh of the brunette's arm and when she looked up she was met with the harsh glare of Miyeon to her left.

“Our new album.” Soyeon spoke up. “Our final album. It’s called IDLE.”

Shuhua didn’t hear where the conversation continued from there on out. All that floated around her mind was why Miyeon had been so harsh. 

“She’s not.”

Yuqi whispered back. “She is.”

“But our album,” Shuhua’s voice cracked as she spoke louder. “Our comeback, she-“

“It’s our last, Shuhua.” Yuqi softened her tone even more. “You remember don’t you?”

She shook her head as fast as humanly possible. By this point, hot tears barreled down her cheeks, leaving traces of Soojin in their wake. The room swayed around her, the studio lights suddenly becoming too intense they were sure to bust any second. Miyeon and Minnie’s conversation pounded against her ears, but seemingly no words were being spoken. Shuhua heard thudding, screeching, ringing, every single noise blaring against her eardrums.

She stuttered. “Our company? We just-“

“We had contracts. They wouldn’t let us leave.”

The girl slumped to the floor, pulling the brunette down with her. She hugged her knees to her chest, eyes unblinking and glossy.

“Breath, Miyeon.” Minnie’s gentle voice washed out. “Breath with me.” 

By the time Shuhua had came out of her daze she was no longer in the dance studio. Instead, she was in Yuqi’s dorm room, blankets bundled around her with a soft drama playing on their computer. 

“I’m going to talk with Miyeon.” A hoarse voice broke the air.

Yuqi only nodded. 

So with trembling legs, Shuhua made her way out of the dorm, mind still clouded with exhaustion.

“Soyeon?” Yuqi politely knocked on the leader’s bedroom door. Shuhua had left almost half an hour before, leaving a lonely Yuqi behind. Her first instinct was to find her girlfriend, but she didn’t want to disturb the girl if she was working. “May I come in?” 

She knocked again, too afraid of barging in when she was not allowed to enter. 

The click of a door opening interrupted Yuqi’s knocks, but it wasn’t Soyeon’s door that was opening, it was Minnie’s. And it wasn’t the Thai girl stepping out either, it was Miyeon.

“Miyeon?”

The Korean gave a soft nod in acknowledgment as her thumb jutted out in the direction of a closed door. “Bathroom.”

“Where’s Shuhua?” 

“I haven’t seen her.” 

“What?” Yuqi’s voice raises an octave higher. “She said she was going to meet you.”

Confusion flashed across the girl’s face before her eyes widened. Yuqi’s hand lowered from the leader’s door as she pushed past Miyeon. 

“Not again.” The Korean whispered.

Yuqi bolted for the elevator, her previous focus on Soyeon long forgotten as she repeatedly smashed against the keys in hopes of catching it before it was too late. When it failed to show up Yuqi turned her attention to the stairwell, her feet slipping and sliding against the tiled flooring. 

“Miyeon?”

“She’s going to the roof.” The Korean whispered, too afraid to speak.

Minnie shot up from the bed, eyes trained on the girl in front of her. She debated whether or not she should run after Yuqi and Shuhua or stay with Miyeon. In the end, she chose Miyeon. 

She’d always chose Miyeon.

The world droned on around Soyeon, she heard everything and nothing at the same time. She was supposed to be the leader, the foundation, but instead she couldn’t protect her girls. Her family. She failed.

It was her job to keep everyone in line. She had been trained to make sure the other idols were improving, growing, made sure everyone was ready for their next comeback, but she wasn’t trained in dealing with a suicide, let alone the aftershocks.

She tried. She really had. 

She heard Yuqi knocking, she wasn’t deaf, but she couldn’t bring herself to open it. Not with what she was about to do.

Her eyes flickered up towards the ceiling.

She hoped Yuqi would catch the maknae. And she hoped she wouldn’t be the one to find her.

“Shuhua!” Yuqi shouted once she reached the last few steps. The name repeatedly left her lips as she struggled to break into the rooftop.

The midnight wind whipped against Yuqi’s bare arms, but she continued forward when she caught sight of the maknae. Her hair was in a frenzied tangle with the amount of wind that surrounded them. 

“Shuhua don’t.”

“Why did she do it?” Yuqi had to strain to hear. “Why?”

“Get down and we can talk about this.”

Shuhua ignored her, whether that be because she couldn’t hear over the wind or because she simply didn’t want to listen.

“It was me, wasn’t it? I almost got us caught. I ruined everything.”

“Shuhua,” Yuqi started, arms delicately reaching for the girl in front of her. 

“Get away from me!” Shuhua turned around, her arms fighting against the chinese’s.

“Shuhua please!” 

The girl stumbled on top of the roof, losing her footing against the amount of wind pressed against her. It was taunting in a way, fit snug against her back just urging her forward, a small step and that would be it.

So she took that step. A leap of faith they called it.


End file.
